Anberlin - Naive Orleans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf-Zj6zxoDQ


Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
When my heart's lost in New Orleans
Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Difference of forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud, yea

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud

Baby, I'd give you my world
How can I when you wont' take it from me?

Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

We have nothing to fear
but fear itself?
Not pain?
Not Failure?
Not fatal tragedy?
Not the faulty units in this mad machinery?
Not the broken contacts in emotional chemistry?

Rush- The Weapon

See that line where the sky begins?
That's where we'll go.

Over it - Where the Sky Begins

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything from me
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget
Take what you want


Anberlin - Impossible

"Love is a question mark. not an exclamation point..."

"Love is a question mark, not an exclamation point. It can explain everything without calling on arguments whose strength as well as whose weakness is based on logic. A boy who is in love knows more about the universe and about creation than a scholar. Why do we have to die? Because I love you, my love. And why do parallel lines meet at infinity? What a question! It’s only because I love you, my love.

And it works. For them, for the boy and for the girl, prisoners of a magic circle, the answer seems completely valid. In their eyes there is a direct relationship between their adventure and the mysteries of the universe."

Elie Wiesel - "Day"

Rush- the Pass

"Proud swagger out of the school yard
Waiting for the world's applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a cause

Static on your frequency
Electrical storm in your veins
Raging at unreachable glory
Straining at invisible chains

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can't face life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor's edge
Don't turn your back
And slam the door on me

It's not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It's not as if you're all alone
In wanting to explode

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
Christ, what have you done? "

Break Down

So I totally had a minor (slightly major) breakdown a few nights ago. I think that was my "rock bottom" because I feel so much better since then. I'm much more accepting of everything and small issues (that aren't even issues) aren't becoming huge deals anymore. I don't cry everyday at school anymore. I figured out if I take 3 winter classes and 3 summer classes I could finish this coming summer. I don't know about 3 winter classes, though. I have an advising appointment tomorrow in the morning so I'm going to see how ridiculous that seems to them and go from there. I would much rather suffer for a short period and finish early. I'd be 21 when I graduate!

I've been running every day in between classes and it is wearing me out. It makes me feel SO much better mentally because it gives me time to think and figure out stuff in my head but it makes me so tired and my muscles are killing me! Hopefully that goes away the more I do it. I've been running in the park so I guess I'll just have to go to the WREC center instead when it starts raining. I'm hoping to lose 10 lbs (at least) by Halloween! We'll see :D

Relationship is good...I think me not being a crazy bitch is helping us out a lot. :-P He's also trying really hard to and I see it, so that helps. I'm not upset about him having a 2nd job anymore. It's only 2 nights a week anyhow. Still don't like crazy drunk sluts at his 2nd job though... oh well. He's mine, not theirs. :)

Work has been the only thing that has been consistently good for the past few months. It's nice.

New Anberlin album came out yesterday and I absolutely adore it! To me, the theme of it kind of says, "here i am, take me or leave me." I like it.
New Trapt album on Oct. 12!! They've been releasing a couple songs here and there and I love them all! I cannot WAIT! I especially can't wait til they start touring. :D :D:D:D:D I'm going to drag Mac along with me...he said he's never been to a real concert before! I shall change that. :)

"hold the cap or it will get all over the ceiling!"

So Mac thought that he was supposed to work tonight from 6-12 so I didn't think I was really going to get to see him until later in the week but then he called me on my way home from my Grandma's and apparently he was just going today for another interview. So we hung out and we went to 5 & I for some food after we took him shoe shopping (:D). I ordered french fries so when we sat down I grabbed the bottle of ketchup and shook it and the cap flew off and splattered all over my hand and the table! I immediately remembered my dad always yelling at me to make sure and hold the cap to the ketchup or it would get everywhere. I told Mac that my dad was saying hello. :)

Today was really sucky in the beginning. I totally had a break down in the library while attempting to do my homework. I was texting Ben with all my problems and he made me feel a little better because he understands EVERYTHING. I eventually made it through my second class and went to my grandma's and my sister ended up being there too. We all had dinner and I got to vent everything out on my grandma. She always has a way to make things a positive so that really helped me, on top of being able to vent some more. Then I get a call from Mac and that just made my whole day because I just really needed a hug and Mac is such a good hugger. Plus he's just so happy all the time and I really just needed something like that today. Everyone, especially Mac, helped turn my day from an "i hate the world" day to an "i love everything" day. I wish I had a better way to say thank you to everyone other than just "thank you."

Hopefully tomorrow is better.
20 days 'til I'm 21. 501 days until I graduate. 197 days until winter break. I guess I could look at this as something to look forward too.



Hi back, Dad. Love you and miss you!

i hate school with a fiery passion.

i really do. i HATE it. i literally could not care less about my grades right now and i could not care less about the stupid paper that's due in 2 hours that i'm sooo not doing because it's retarded. i dont care that i totally bombed my quiz today. i dont care that i'm already like an accumulated 10 chapters behind in reading for my 4 classes. i could care less about learning about ethics, marketing models, wal mart and google. i REALLY DO NOT CARE.
i dont. godddddddddddddddddddd. i can't do it anymore. the only reason i'm going to bear through these next couple semesters is because i'm getting hella financial aid money.
seriously school is such a waste of my time. it takes up my whole day doing NOTHING. nothingthingnothingasalsja;klsdjfajfal;ksjla;ksj!!!!!!!! i have literally learned the same shit in all my business classes. why can't we just consolidate all this shit into one class?!?!?!
and i canNOT handle 4 group projects/presentations this semester. do they really think that at this point i, as a college student, have not learned how to work in a DAMN GROUP!?

i'm so frustrated. i literally am on the verge of tears before class almost every morning because i just can't stand the thought of going and wasting my time listening to some old fart tell me about his business experiences as an HR manager or a marketing manager or this or a that. i. do. not. care.


and on top of all that i do not want to turn 21. i don't want to go pay hella money to go get wasted with people i am not necesarily "friends" with because not really any of my friends who can go out on my birthday (a freaking tuesday) are 21. i have a test the day after my birthday. mac just got a job at the bear and he works tuesdays so he can't even go out with me on my birthday. in fact, i dont even get to see him on my birthday since this is now his second job. i should be happy for him. and i am. but at the same time the selfish part of me is so upset because i just wanna spend time with him and i already hardly get to see him, especially because of school and then going to work right after school. he's only supposed to be working 3 days a week and he said he's still going to have sundays off and i'm supposed to be getting sundays off "as much as possible" this semester....but then i dont want to take up every single one of his sundays and i can't only see him once a week?!!?!?!!! goddd. this si so lame. sschool is seriously ruining my life i hate it and i just want to quit.


i could throw something right now.

al;sdkjasjdlKJL;AKJSDFAS o;KJLASKJDF

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH. I wish I could just flush education down the toilet.
so pathetic...I can't believe i have to deal with this crap for 2 more years and then I get a stupid piece of paper that shows for my suffering...asglasjdfkafasldf then I get to go find a stupid job but at least at that point i can just have a stupid normal job and not have to worry about going to school from 11-3 then work 4-8 every dayyyy omggggg.

i think i will ask for sundays off just so i can have a day to freaking breathe.

School in 1 week - yuck!

NOT ready for school, blah! Not mentally prepared at all. I'm going to shoot for A's this semester....and get B's. As usual.

Life is soooo good!

I have the best friends ever, ever, ever!
Lauren just got back from ROTC training stuff in Kentucky I think last week or a couple weeks ago and she is staying at home in Napa and she drove up to see me today. :) Also Liz and her boyfriend are in town this week from Texas & Air Force and they visited today. PLUS we were all hanging out and then Mark came to hang out! Then I get to go on a walk with TIffany and Kimm later at One Mile. I seriously just love all my friends and I wish I hadn't closed all of them out so much when I was with Eric.

Plus Mac is just superrr awesome. :) I have so much fun with him and he just makes me feel so energetic and excited and I'm having fun all the time with him. I feel like he's really good for me right now!

I got 20 hours this next week at work again (up for 16 hrs the past few weeks) which is amaaazzing finally. This pay check sucked because I took that week off for dad and then I only got 3 shifts on the following week so I think my check was less than $130 so I am a little broke for the next couple weeks, but I could really care less right now! :D
ANDDD! I found all but two of my textbooks online on Amazon and it's going to save me around $400. I got 2 in the mail today and one had a 20 dollar bill in with a note that said, "Dear Rhiannon, I have enclosed 20.00 cash for the fact that the text was paper back. If you would like to return this copy of the text please e-mail me at blahablahlaahaha@blah.com (edited :D) or if you have any questions." SO nice! So I totally just made 20 bucks back, which is probably more than I would have made if I sell the damn thing back to the book store.

I did sell my accounting book from summer back last week and the college said that they weren't taking this edition back but the used book company would so they gave me 15 for it.... I paid 106 for it. umm...LAME. Better than nothing, though, I suppose.

School starts in 3 weeks and that's about the suckiest thing in my life right now!

Everything's so great! Except I still am reallyyy missing dad. I think it's because I want him to be here for all the happy stuff now. But....it is what it is and I know he loved me and he knew I loved him and that's all that matters. :) :)

Today...

I miss my daddy.

otherwise life is sooooo fantastic right now! i'm finally having fun...like, multiple days in a row. this hasn't happened in so long. :)

Moving On

Things are getting easier already...although they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be to begin with. I don't think it has hit me all the way yet. Regardless, I'm doing fine. I'm back at work now and it's going normal, home is normal (as normal as it can be, I suppose), life's kind of just falling back into place, as it's supposed to.

I do miss Dad and I think about him 300 zillion times a day and everything reminds me of him but they are happy thoughts, which I'm so thankful for. This could have gone the other way and I could have got depressed and broke down every time I thought about him but instead I giggle or smile. It's nice.

I did my accounting final today. I think I did well on it..at least Ok. I bet I got a low B...I think. I really have no idea. The multiple choice questions were so iffy for me. Plus, my balance sheet on the work problems was over a grand off and I couldn't figure out what I did wrong, so I just went with it. Either way though, he told me even if I didn't take the final I still had a C in the class....which is fantastic for me! This means I'll never have to take accounting class ever again in my life. :) Now I just have to figure out how to show Chico State that I took it, passed it and then get the credits to transfer. I think also that I'm only going to take 4 classes this semester instead of dropping the accounting class I'm in for fall (to prove that I was going to be taking it, it's an undergrad req)and picking a new one. I'm already in class from 11-4 and if I want to have time for homework AND work...I probably shouldn't overload myself too much basically.

I saw Inception....twice. It's such a good movie! I loved it. One of the best I've seen in a really, really, really long time. It was a total mind twister and it was hard to keep up with, for me, in the beginning and the whole thing was a task to keep up with...which is why I saw it twice. :)

In other news, I'm drinking soda right now. *slap on wrist*

2 months exactly til I turn 21.

1 month til school starts again *puke*

scan0013flying

scan0013flying
Originally uploaded by crazytraptfan

Photos of Dad

Here's a photobucket account with pictures of dad. I passed out the username and password to others so if they wanted to upload pictures and share them they could.

Username: stancarmanphotos
Password: scarman01

Here they are :)

http://s1016.photobucket.com/home/stancarmanphotos/recentuploads

here's the Flickr account....the photobucket one shrinks them so I made another with the full size pics!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/honestheartsareundercover/sets/72157624421517515/

hard to wrap your head around

it's very weird seeing my dad's stuff still laying around the house. things like shoes, his electric shaver, cookbooks, his computer, his glasses. it feels like he just went on a vacation somewhere and will be coming back soon.

it's hard to think he won't come back.

i decided that i would really like to have his comic book t-shirts and turn them into a quilt. i don't know how going through people's stuff goes though....

i'm dealing with this way better than i thought i would...i don't break down and cry every time someone mentions my dad, i don't cry when i see his stuff, i'm not depressed. i'm sad, but not so down that i can't continue with life right now. i hope it doesn't hit me really hard later. i'm fine with random bits of crying here and there throughout the day right now. no major breakdowns.

i'm so lucky to have such a great family and such supportive friends. i love them all.

it's over

My dad passed away July 12 between 3am and 4am.
I miss him a lot. I am just so, so, so happy that he is not in pain anymore. It was unbearable. Now, when I get really upset, it's when I think about how he was hurting so much for the last bit of time. I'm so glad he doesn't have to hurt anymore.

It's weird with my family because even though we can laugh and still have a good time and be "happy," there is still a hovering feeling in the room.

Julie said this morning that Dad told her he would find a way to show her that he was still here. His "cancer journey" blog was called "Duck Off and Fly" and so she thought it was going to be something about ducks, and this morning's paper had ducks on the front page. :)

I see all sorts of things in my house, at my grandma's, at my mom's, around town, in my car, everywhere that remind me of him. Now, though, it just makes me smile because most things remind me of what a dork he was and how silly and happy he always was. His weird laugh. His comic book obsession thing he had, haha. I do miss him.

I had a really hard time getting to sleep last night because all I wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him how much I love him and I can't. I keep almost falling into regret for not saying I love you more, but then I just have to tell myself that he knew I loved him. There's nothing to regret.
It's very hard to not fall into self pity during all this and feel like you "forgot" something. Goodbye's are hard and I never really said "goodbye," and that's ok with me. It's just hard to not regret things from the past.

It's also really hard getting so many calls, messages, texts, etc of "i'm so sorry"'s...I know it's because people care, but I hope they understand if I'm not very responsive.



I love you forever, Daddy.

getting worse

Dad is getting so much worse. He can't even talk now for the most part, as far as I'm aware. Aunt Angie, Grandma and Julie have been taking good care of him though. He pretty much just lays in bed now. I think he is in pain from just laying all the time. He gets the hiccups, I guess, which I don't understand...but I know it can't feel good when you're already sore. I wish he didn't have to hurt. I wish no one had to hurt.

I really just miss him. It's like it's not my dad in there because he's so unlike himself. I'm so used to him being dorky or listening to music or going for a drive just to get out of the house, or going and buying a new toy, or helping me fix something gone wrong on my computer. The other day I was trying to figure out how to fix my printer because it's hooked up wirelessly to my laptop and it wouldn't register and wouldn't print. I was so frustrated because my dad was right there and he couldn't help, of course, and I was so mad that I couldn't figure it out myself. It was one of the most irritating things ever and just made me realize how much I still need my dad.

He came out of the bedroom a few days ago to visit with Julie, Grandma and I. When he saw me he looked like a lightbulb popped up above his head and he smiled and it was nice. And then I was sitting on the couch and he put his finger up and did a "come here" motion so I went over and gave him a hug. I miss giving my dad hugs.

I'm not ready for him to go and I really don't know how to handle all of this. I feel like I'm floating around outside the situation almost. It doesn't feel like this is happening to me.

I just don't want him to hurt.


Life sucks.

new trapt album yeSSSS!

Sept 14 :D
They are doing this thing where fans can be in the album artwork...
The album's title is "No Apologies" and you can send in a picture 0f you doing something that is "routine" and you shouldn't have to apologize for. It's kind of weird yet sooo cool and I'm so doing it. I can't think of anything to do though. I dunno.

Dad's getting sicker. It's hard to watch. I don't like it. I feel like I haven't seen him in days and then I realize I really haven't. When I do see him it's for a few seconds, mostly time to say "Hey Dad" or "I love you"...nothing to extensive. He's usually asleep in the bedroom now though. I miss him.

Had a good fourth of July and I had the 4th and the 5th off from work and school so it was a pretty good, relaxing 2 days off :). On the 4th I didn't do much 'til later in the day and then hung out til late and then went to bed and woke up and went straight to Sara's in Marysville with Tiffany and we all went to the river and got superrr sunburned. I'm still pretty red and sore. Oh well, I'll have lovely color :D

1 week left of accounting YESS.

Ok, til next time :)

FML

It's getting really hard at home to watch my dad. I feel like I try to ignore him, which I don't like at all. I kind of feel like I'm floating around in my own little world lately, especially since Eric and I broke up. I don't really talk to anyone about anything really, just mostly chit-chat stuff. I feel like I don't want to burden everyone with my problems, kind of.
Plus, I feel like I'm always too busy to hang out with people because I'm in summer school from 9am-12pm then I go to work at 1 or 2 til 5 or 6 so and then I have homework so I'm not really free during the weekdays, then when I am free to hang out everyone is busy. So then I'm sitting at home bored out of my mind struggling to hang out with one of my 5 friends. Its' getting irritating :(. I can't wait until summer school is over in 3 weeks so that I can have just work and that's it.
Things with Eric are kind of weird. I really miss him a lot. I wish things were easier. But they aren't....sooo oh well. What can you do? But this "it is what it is" attitude is starting to get to me I think. I have a feeling that when everything hits me, it's going to hit me really hard. I'm not looking forward to it. I need to stop ignoring everything around me and be more observant and more into it. I'm kind of just floating. I don't like it. I miss my friends and my family and I can't really explain what I'm feeling. When I am home, I usually just go into my room and shut my door and hang out until I leave again. No fun. I want to spend time with my dad but he's mostly just sleeping so I can hardly spend time with him. I mostly hang out when my grandparents or aunt are here visiting.

Good news is I'm doing fantastic in accounting class right now. I got an A on both tests so far, and we only have 3 (besides the final) so that's great! I actually am understanding the material this time and I think it's because of a lot of reasons. Like, the class is everyday so I don't really have time to forget anything; this is my only class so I don't have 4 other classes' worth of projects,homework and stress to worry about; I already took this class once and, even though I didn't understand anything the first time around, it's helping me because I already know the basics like vocabulary and the general ideas behind accounting; my teacher is amazing, and his first language is actually English so he doesn't have a weird accent that I have to try and learn from. He teaches in a really understandable way, which I love. I hope I get an A in the class! :)

After July 17 or 14 or something I'll finally have my summer vacation. :)
Next semester is going to be a doozy, though.
I'm in class on MWF from 11:00-3 and then on TTH from 11-3:15...which really is not that long but my classes are:
MGMT 300 - Communication in Business
MGMT 304 - Human Resource Management
MKTG 380 -Marketing Research
MKTG 477 - International Marketing
and then one more class that I'm not sure of because of technical issues with me taking the summer class at the community college instead of Chico State. Probably Finance. Yuck!!

Well. More later.

Bahaha

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

"Break"

Eric and I are taking "a break," whatever that means. Basically I think what happened is neither of us actually has the guts to break it off completely, so we're going to stay in break up limbo land until we figure things out. We decided that we're basically just going to act like friends, a.k.a. don't hang out every day, don't talk all the time....but we're not really going to see other people either. So pretty much I'm single but I'm not at the same time. I don't really have a "boyfriend" but I can't go date other people, if I so desired. This is weird. I never understood breaks, but breaking up is so hard to do!
We both decided that we have a lot on our plates that we need to figure out....it's dumb, because I do want to be with him but I totally want to be by myself too. This is really difficult. Grrrr

And my stupid 8 o'clock class was canceled and I totally forgot...so LAME. So I'm stuck here at school until my next class at 9:30. ohwell.

Long day...

So. My store manager was killed in a car accident last Tuesday. Today was her funeral in the bay. I woke up @ 5:30 and drove down there to be there at 10am. It was so sad. I couldn't believe that she was the one in there. It was the first time I cried over it, though. Really, before that, it hadn't really hit me that she was never coming back. I still almost can't believe it. I feel like I've never really had to deal with death in my life and now it's surrounding me. I have no idea how to handle it. I feel like it's all just building up and I have no where for it to go. I'll talk about it with people but I feel it's just a bunch of oh-I'm-so-sorry's and it doesn't really help for some reason to talk about it. I don't even know what to do and I've been so down lately and I have so much schoolwork piling up and I just flat out don't feel like doing it. I have this huge group project paper due on Tuesday that we haven't even really started yet and should have started months ago....I just don't want to do it. I don't want to waste my time doing stupid research for something that we're most likely just going to BS anyway because it's so close to the due date. Then all these stupid tests.
Anyway. So I drove to the bay today, right? Then it was over at a little bit before 11 and I went to visit my friend in Pleasanton for a little bit and then I just went home. I was in the bay for only 3 hours just to drive home again (though I am thankful that Ben hung out with me, otherwise I would have only been there for an hour). I was soooo tired on the way home. I hardly got any sleep the night before last for some reason, and then Eric and I went to a concert that didn't let out til a little before 11 so I didn't get to bed til way too late for having to wake up at 5. Then just all the emotions from the burial...I am so beat.
Two out of my 3 classes are cancelled tomorrow (THANK GOD) so I get to sleep in for a bit and have some time to work on my marketing project for my group (that i'm meeting with at the same time as my class was going to be at).
I'm just so worn out and I can't wait for this semester to be over so I can actually have some time to rest. Even though I will be taking Accounting over summer...siiigh. Stupid C-. It's a m-th class....which totally sucks. Then NEXT semester is going to be totally lame, as well, because I'm going to be hardly available for work which means the time I am available, they're going to work me, which means that I won't have any free time AGAIN. I would almost just make myself unavaible some days but I just want the money to save and for gas and to spend and stuff. I don't want Celestino's pay checks anymore!


I also really miss how I used to be. When I used to go to shows all the time and take pictures and do I <3 Chico Bands and have too many friends to count. Now I just hang out with my boyfriend, work and do school work. How boring. Other people can fit all this stuff into their lives, why can't I? and it's not fair that some people get to sit around all day and do nothing and still survive and i work my butt off and am miserably busy and I am having a worse time than them! but of course I am...because they get to do whatever they want and i have stupid responsiblities. i just keep having to tell myself that it will pay off in the long run....but it freaking sucks now.

Crazy

Life really throws stuff at you all at once sometimes.
"When it rains, it pours," I suppose.

School wears me out sooo much. By the end of the day, I'm so tired and I don't want to do anything but relax but I always feel like I have so much to do in a short period of time. Today was my day off and I spent the entire thing running around. (Though, I did get to go to lunch with my Mommy :D).
I have two group project due dates coming up for school and group projects are such a pain in the ass! I hate them! They are awful! At this point, I really, really, REALLY, REALLY know how to work in teams and I definitely do not need any more practice! UGHH! Oh, well. Only three semesters left!

I picked out which classes I'd like to take next semester. Whether or not I actually get them is another story, though. I plan on taking Communication in Business, Human Resource Management, International Marketing, Marketing Research and Managing the Legal Environment. Sounds fun, huh? Then I have to take Financial Accounting again over summer at Butte, which is about a zillion dollars cheaper than at Chico State. At Chico State, it is $230 per unit, which comes out to be about $700 per class which is just outrageous!! At Butte I think it will end up being about 200 TOPS for the class. That's probably including my book, as well. So crazy.

I'm so tired. I can't wait to be done with school when all I have to do is work. I would much rather do just school or just work, but just work is stupid right now and just school is also stupid, actually. I <3 Money! :)

I had 3 tests on the same day a couple of weeks ago, and then another test the following week and I did great on all of them! I'm so proud of myself, I swore I was going to fail. I got a 90% on my marketing test, an 83% on my MINS test, a 96% on my Stats test and an 82% on my Accounting test! I did so awesome :) :)

Yup. :)

woerjsldf

There is sooo much to do!
I have to study for three tests on Tuesday, I have to go to work, of course, I have to try and work out to get skinny for summer somewhere in my "spare time" that i have, I have to go check out study abroad stuff before it's too late, i have to hang out with Eric and then all my friends, I have to try to find enough money to last me 2 more weeks...gahhh!!!!!!

Disneyland!

well apparently it won't let me do more than this many per post....so i'll just have to do more than one post :)
















AHHH forget it --- look on facebook. haha

Where does the time go?

It's really amazing how fast time flies. It always, always, always amazes me!

I always feel like i'm out of time. If I hate one thing at all, I hate time. I feel like I never have enough time to do anything I want to, but when I actually DO have time, I feel like I'm wasting it and I get cranky about it and end up wasting ALL of my extra time being cranky! So frustrating. Now with only getting 20 hours a week at work it's easier, not like over Holiday where I worked all day, every day and had no time for anything (but had a crap load of $$!). But now school and homework seem to be taking up a lot more of my time. I planned ahead this week though! I got the majority of my homework done on Tuesday and just finished up the 2 other assignments I had on Thursday so I wouldn't have anything to worry about while I was in Disneyland. :)

However...
Not the week we get back from spring break, but the week after, all four of my classes have a test on the same day! SO RIDICULOUS! How am I supposed to study for 4 tests that land on the same day? I don't even know how I'm going to do it. Especially since accounting will need to take up most of my studying time. ...and consumer behavior. Sighh. Oh, well, I suppose.

I wish I could do video blogs and not feel like a total doofus. I can't imagine sitting in my room talking to my webcam for 3 minutes talking about my day or my feelings or whatever...it would feel really odd. But they are so cool! Let's not and say we did, i guess. :)

Going to Disneyland the day after tomorrow --- SO excited!! :)

Dizzyland

YES!
Disneyland trip is finally here. :) ....on Sunday. So excited!

I can't wait to post pictures. :)

I'm not an idiot.

So tired of people talking to me like I'm a moron...

Why is it that...

Why is it that when I stop eating out as much, start drinking more water, start working out for 30 minutes 2 times a week and stop snacking at night as much that I GAIN weight?!?!

What the hell, body?!

Siigh. Is it one of those things that get worse before it gets better?

Hmm...

My store manager is training a store manager for a different store and I got to help out with the cash wrap part today. It's always so weird trying to teach someone something that they really have never ever seen before. There are so many little things that you just know that they would have no idea about. Especially certain situations that arise at a cash register that have to do with coupons and such. Stuff you just don't know until it happens to you.

Just odd. And cool that I know more than a future store manager. :)

P.s. I just kicked Eric's butt on Guitar Hero on the face off. Yeaaa :).

$$

Plus I'm broke.

This semester is killing me.

I feel so exhausted this semester. Managerial Accounting, Stats, Consumer Behavior, Corporate Integrated Technology and Food Forever (sustaining food??) are not a good mix of classes, I tell ya!

I just don't get accounting. No matter how bad I want to. It's stressin' me out!

Consumer behavior is actually easy, but the class is kind of boring.

Stats....seems easy. So far....we shall see. Just lots of homework (obviously).

Corporate Integrated Technology is mostly just a basic computer class and basically the things you need to know about computers for business. (I.E. saving a link to your desktop, creating a new folder, Exel, etc.) That class is easy but is at 8 a.m. which means 6 o'clock wake up for me!

Food Forever is an online class so I just hate it.

So really, accounting is just killing me, I suppose. It's so confusing and no one in my class ever shuts up long enough for me to hear what the damn teacher is saying plus she is hard to understand in the first place. IF everyone WOULD shut up for 5 seconds, I could understand what she was saying better. But nooOoOOo we have to chit-chat the enter period.

Man.

....how many more weeks until summer vacation?


After this semester, though, only three more and I'm out of this place! YESS! Unless I decide that I actually do want to do that double major in Humanities. :)

Valentine's Day

So, Valentines 2010 is over. Wasn't anything special. Eric bought me a box of chocolates and a cute card, which was nice :). But we both had to work (the same time frame, luckily!) and then we argued for like 1 hour about what kind of food we wanted and ended up not getting any food and buying a used version of guitar hero and a guitar to go with it for 25 bucks.

Well, whatever.
Our 2 year anniversary is next weekend, so we are going out to dinner then. That will be our V-day celebration, I suppose!

Happy Hearts Day!

<3

IDs and Credit Cards

I got yelled at by two seperate people today at work and both times were because their IDs didn't match their credit cards!

The first lady had her husbands card and he wasn't there and according to our policy, I can't take it unless it has YOUR name that matches YOUR ID. So, she proceeded to say the "f" word many times, tell me how "this is bullshit" a few times, and then threw her other credit card at me and said "FINE we'll just use MY credit card!"
....

um. yes, we will.


Then the second lady was buying like 200 dollars worth of stuff and her ID had her "nickname" on it, she told me after I called it in to verify an authorized user. When they told me that the name was not an authorized user, I told her, and she said, "IT'S MY NICK NAME!! this is ridiculous, I use it online ALL the time!" Well, online doesn't check your ID, now does it?
Anyway, I told her I could get a manager, and she said, "No. I'm done!" and then said, "Can I PLEASE get my coupons back?!" I had ripped them up, because that's what we do so they can't be used again after their first use, and I told her that I had ripped them and just had to tape them really quick (because if i gave her back ripped coupons and she tried to use them again it would be a big problem) and she scoffed and said "NEVERMIND." and stormed off.

Ugh!

People need to take a freaking chill pill.

Work Out!!

I also signed up for the WREC center at school today...= free gym! So I figure since I have a minimum of a 2 hour break in between classes on Tues/Thurs that I'll just work out in that time period. I could just get on a friggin' treadmill for 45 mins those days and I'd be set for summer in no time!

We'll see how it goes... :)

sitting at school

I'm sitting at school waiting for my next class to start in about an hour so I decided to share my lovely bathroom story.

I went to use the restroom here, and I was washing my hands and I just happened to look in the mirror and see the stall behind me. There was something on the ground that looked like rice, so I crouched down a little to see what it was. It WAS rice! This girl had her plate of food sitting between her legs on the floor while she was peeing!! I made this awful "yuck" face and then I realized that she might be able to see what I'm doing through the cracks of the stall, so I booked it out of there as fast as possible.

People are crazy.

Also, why do ugly rainboots have to be in style? I've seen so many hideous, "loud" prints. This girl who sat in front of me in one of my classes had leopard print ones that also had cherries randomly placed on them...? I laughed a little.

Cherries are ok, I suppose...heck, even leopard print is fine...BY ITSELF. That is just a combination that should have never left the design studio.

the Trees- Rush

"and the trees are all kept equal by hatchet, axe, and saw"

3eb "I want you"

The suckers loose themselves
In the games they love to play
Children love to sing but
Then their voices slowly fade away
People always take a step away
From what is true
That's why I like you around
I want you
Oh you do you do...
You make me want you
An open invitation to the dance
Happenstance set the vibe that we are in
No apology because my urge is genuine
And the mystery of your rhythm is so feminine
Here I am and I want to take a hit
Of your scent cause it bit so deep into my soul
I want you
Yeah, you do you do...
You make me want you
Oh you do you do...
Send me all your vampires
I want you
And I can't get enough, oh I can't get enough
And I can't get enough
The village church yard is filled with
Bones weeping in the grave
The silver lining of clouds
Shines on people Jesus couldn't save
You want to know how deeply my soul goes
Deeper than bones
Deeper than bones
And I can't get enough
Oh, I can't get enough
Oh, I can't get enough
Oh, I can't get enough
After we did it by the window sill
Smoke rings drift into the midnight sky
Presently in the quilt that your mother made
A candle burns to fight off the gloom
I said to live in this way is not for the meek
And like a jazz DJ you talk me into sleep
I said there'll be no regrets when the worms come
And they will surely come
You do you do...
Make me want you
Send me all your vampires
Yeah you do...
Make me want you
Send me all your vampires
I want you
Send me all your vampires
I want you
Send me all your vampires
Send me all your vampires
There will be no regrets when the worms come
Send me all your vampires

I feel like...

The sound of the rain is so relaxing.

The sound of thunder IS NOT.