been over a year...

It's been over a year since I posted anything substantial.

I'm very stressed about money right now. In fact, I don't think I've ever been this stressed about money in my entire life. I just had to empty my entire savings account to pay for a new timing belt, water pump, and alternator belt for my car. I already paid $500 for a plane ticket to go to my friend's wedding in Texas next month, and have to save up about another $500 for food, hotel, airport parking, etc. I don't know where I'm going to come up with that money. I'm starting to think about cancelling the trip completely, but that's only if I can get my money back for the plane tickets. Otherwise, I'm going because I'm definitely not wasting a $500 ticket. My ex. owes me $600 but he's slacking on getting it back to me. He said he should get it back to me before I go to Texas, but he also said over summer that he would get it to me before August. So I'll believe it when I see it. Which stinks because I REALLY need that money.

I'm down to $40 til payday which is still a week and a half away, I still need another tank of gas for next week, I need to celebrate my best friend's 21st birthday somehow (probably going to buy her 1 drink and just end up being sober the rest of the night because I can't even afford a drink for myself). Plus I have to make a credit card payment somewhere in there AND I'm adding about $200 to what's already on the credit card for the timing belt.

I'm so stressed I don't even know what to do with myself. There just isn't enough money and I've been getting a low amount of hours at work the past couple weeks. Luckily, I got a temporary lead position for Holiday, but it doesn't start until the first week of November. Last time I did the position I ended up getting 40 hrs/week + a $1 pay raise. Since then the company has changed their policy so "part time" associates can only get a max of 20 hours a week. This means I won't be getting 40 hours a week over holiday, but hopefully I'll still get the dollar raise for the season.

Hopefully things will look up money-wise soon.

In other news, I've gained about 25-30 lbs in the last 6 months. I don't know why. I think once Rein and I started dating, my diet took a nose dive, also I changed birth control. I've been trying to run 2 miles a day 5 times a week but it isn't doing anything. I'm going to keep trying though, I guess. I'm also supposed to start going to this 30 minute ab workout class 2 times a week with 2 of my friends but they both bailed on me both times last week so we haven't done it at all yet. I'm too nervous to go by myself the first time. I need to though. Have to take initiative.

I want to get down to 160 and I'm at 200 right now. (UGH I've never been 200 in my entire life...) This is going to take months. :(

I suppose things can only go up from here?

Do you expect me?
To keep from crawling back.
Do you accept me?
When we both know my past.

Am I keeping safe distance?
Pushing you arms length away?
Am I keeping safe distance?
Oh, it's you that feels betrayed.
Are you there, can someone answer me?
Come where I can see.

Closer, closer, closer.
Closer, closer, closer.
I know you're out there somewhere.
Come where I can see.
Closer, closer, closer to me.

Anberlin - Closer