See that line where the sky begins?
That's where we'll go.

Over it - Where the Sky Begins

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything from me
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget
Take what you want


Anberlin - Impossible

"Love is a question mark. not an exclamation point..."

"Love is a question mark, not an exclamation point. It can explain everything without calling on arguments whose strength as well as whose weakness is based on logic. A boy who is in love knows more about the universe and about creation than a scholar. Why do we have to die? Because I love you, my love. And why do parallel lines meet at infinity? What a question! It’s only because I love you, my love.

And it works. For them, for the boy and for the girl, prisoners of a magic circle, the answer seems completely valid. In their eyes there is a direct relationship between their adventure and the mysteries of the universe."

Elie Wiesel - "Day"

Rush- the Pass

"Proud swagger out of the school yard
Waiting for the world's applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a cause

Static on your frequency
Electrical storm in your veins
Raging at unreachable glory
Straining at invisible chains

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can't face life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor's edge
Don't turn your back
And slam the door on me

It's not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It's not as if you're all alone
In wanting to explode

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
Christ, what have you done? "

Break Down

So I totally had a minor (slightly major) breakdown a few nights ago. I think that was my "rock bottom" because I feel so much better since then. I'm much more accepting of everything and small issues (that aren't even issues) aren't becoming huge deals anymore. I don't cry everyday at school anymore. I figured out if I take 3 winter classes and 3 summer classes I could finish this coming summer. I don't know about 3 winter classes, though. I have an advising appointment tomorrow in the morning so I'm going to see how ridiculous that seems to them and go from there. I would much rather suffer for a short period and finish early. I'd be 21 when I graduate!

I've been running every day in between classes and it is wearing me out. It makes me feel SO much better mentally because it gives me time to think and figure out stuff in my head but it makes me so tired and my muscles are killing me! Hopefully that goes away the more I do it. I've been running in the park so I guess I'll just have to go to the WREC center instead when it starts raining. I'm hoping to lose 10 lbs (at least) by Halloween! We'll see :D

Relationship is good...I think me not being a crazy bitch is helping us out a lot. :-P He's also trying really hard to and I see it, so that helps. I'm not upset about him having a 2nd job anymore. It's only 2 nights a week anyhow. Still don't like crazy drunk sluts at his 2nd job though... oh well. He's mine, not theirs. :)

Work has been the only thing that has been consistently good for the past few months. It's nice.

New Anberlin album came out yesterday and I absolutely adore it! To me, the theme of it kind of says, "here i am, take me or leave me." I like it.
New Trapt album on Oct. 12!! They've been releasing a couple songs here and there and I love them all! I cannot WAIT! I especially can't wait til they start touring. :D :D:D:D:D I'm going to drag Mac along with me...he said he's never been to a real concert before! I shall change that. :)

"hold the cap or it will get all over the ceiling!"

So Mac thought that he was supposed to work tonight from 6-12 so I didn't think I was really going to get to see him until later in the week but then he called me on my way home from my Grandma's and apparently he was just going today for another interview. So we hung out and we went to 5 & I for some food after we took him shoe shopping (:D). I ordered french fries so when we sat down I grabbed the bottle of ketchup and shook it and the cap flew off and splattered all over my hand and the table! I immediately remembered my dad always yelling at me to make sure and hold the cap to the ketchup or it would get everywhere. I told Mac that my dad was saying hello. :)

Today was really sucky in the beginning. I totally had a break down in the library while attempting to do my homework. I was texting Ben with all my problems and he made me feel a little better because he understands EVERYTHING. I eventually made it through my second class and went to my grandma's and my sister ended up being there too. We all had dinner and I got to vent everything out on my grandma. She always has a way to make things a positive so that really helped me, on top of being able to vent some more. Then I get a call from Mac and that just made my whole day because I just really needed a hug and Mac is such a good hugger. Plus he's just so happy all the time and I really just needed something like that today. Everyone, especially Mac, helped turn my day from an "i hate the world" day to an "i love everything" day. I wish I had a better way to say thank you to everyone other than just "thank you."

Hopefully tomorrow is better.
20 days 'til I'm 21. 501 days until I graduate. 197 days until winter break. I guess I could look at this as something to look forward too.



Hi back, Dad. Love you and miss you!

i hate school with a fiery passion.

i really do. i HATE it. i literally could not care less about my grades right now and i could not care less about the stupid paper that's due in 2 hours that i'm sooo not doing because it's retarded. i dont care that i totally bombed my quiz today. i dont care that i'm already like an accumulated 10 chapters behind in reading for my 4 classes. i could care less about learning about ethics, marketing models, wal mart and google. i REALLY DO NOT CARE.
i dont. godddddddddddddddddddd. i can't do it anymore. the only reason i'm going to bear through these next couple semesters is because i'm getting hella financial aid money.
seriously school is such a waste of my time. it takes up my whole day doing NOTHING. nothingthingnothingasalsja;klsdjfajfal;ksjla;ksj!!!!!!!! i have literally learned the same shit in all my business classes. why can't we just consolidate all this shit into one class?!?!?!
and i canNOT handle 4 group projects/presentations this semester. do they really think that at this point i, as a college student, have not learned how to work in a DAMN GROUP!?

i'm so frustrated. i literally am on the verge of tears before class almost every morning because i just can't stand the thought of going and wasting my time listening to some old fart tell me about his business experiences as an HR manager or a marketing manager or this or a that. i. do. not. care.


and on top of all that i do not want to turn 21. i don't want to go pay hella money to go get wasted with people i am not necesarily "friends" with because not really any of my friends who can go out on my birthday (a freaking tuesday) are 21. i have a test the day after my birthday. mac just got a job at the bear and he works tuesdays so he can't even go out with me on my birthday. in fact, i dont even get to see him on my birthday since this is now his second job. i should be happy for him. and i am. but at the same time the selfish part of me is so upset because i just wanna spend time with him and i already hardly get to see him, especially because of school and then going to work right after school. he's only supposed to be working 3 days a week and he said he's still going to have sundays off and i'm supposed to be getting sundays off "as much as possible" this semester....but then i dont want to take up every single one of his sundays and i can't only see him once a week?!!?!?!!! goddd. this si so lame. sschool is seriously ruining my life i hate it and i just want to quit.


i could throw something right now.