been over a year...

It's been over a year since I posted anything substantial.

I'm very stressed about money right now. In fact, I don't think I've ever been this stressed about money in my entire life. I just had to empty my entire savings account to pay for a new timing belt, water pump, and alternator belt for my car. I already paid $500 for a plane ticket to go to my friend's wedding in Texas next month, and have to save up about another $500 for food, hotel, airport parking, etc. I don't know where I'm going to come up with that money. I'm starting to think about cancelling the trip completely, but that's only if I can get my money back for the plane tickets. Otherwise, I'm going because I'm definitely not wasting a $500 ticket. My ex. owes me $600 but he's slacking on getting it back to me. He said he should get it back to me before I go to Texas, but he also said over summer that he would get it to me before August. So I'll believe it when I see it. Which stinks because I REALLY need that money.

I'm down to $40 til payday which is still a week and a half away, I still need another tank of gas for next week, I need to celebrate my best friend's 21st birthday somehow (probably going to buy her 1 drink and just end up being sober the rest of the night because I can't even afford a drink for myself). Plus I have to make a credit card payment somewhere in there AND I'm adding about $200 to what's already on the credit card for the timing belt.

I'm so stressed I don't even know what to do with myself. There just isn't enough money and I've been getting a low amount of hours at work the past couple weeks. Luckily, I got a temporary lead position for Holiday, but it doesn't start until the first week of November. Last time I did the position I ended up getting 40 hrs/week + a $1 pay raise. Since then the company has changed their policy so "part time" associates can only get a max of 20 hours a week. This means I won't be getting 40 hours a week over holiday, but hopefully I'll still get the dollar raise for the season.

Hopefully things will look up money-wise soon.

In other news, I've gained about 25-30 lbs in the last 6 months. I don't know why. I think once Rein and I started dating, my diet took a nose dive, also I changed birth control. I've been trying to run 2 miles a day 5 times a week but it isn't doing anything. I'm going to keep trying though, I guess. I'm also supposed to start going to this 30 minute ab workout class 2 times a week with 2 of my friends but they both bailed on me both times last week so we haven't done it at all yet. I'm too nervous to go by myself the first time. I need to though. Have to take initiative.

I want to get down to 160 and I'm at 200 right now. (UGH I've never been 200 in my entire life...) This is going to take months. :(

I suppose things can only go up from here?

Do you expect me?
To keep from crawling back.
Do you accept me?
When we both know my past.

Am I keeping safe distance?
Pushing you arms length away?
Am I keeping safe distance?
Oh, it's you that feels betrayed.
Are you there, can someone answer me?
Come where I can see.

Closer, closer, closer.
Closer, closer, closer.
I know you're out there somewhere.
Come where I can see.
Closer, closer, closer to me.

Anberlin - Closer

Anberlin - Naive Orleans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf-Zj6zxoDQ


Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
When my heart's lost in New Orleans
Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Difference of forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud, yea

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud

Baby, I'd give you my world
How can I when you wont' take it from me?

Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

We have nothing to fear
but fear itself?
Not pain?
Not Failure?
Not fatal tragedy?
Not the faulty units in this mad machinery?
Not the broken contacts in emotional chemistry?

Rush- The Weapon

See that line where the sky begins?
That's where we'll go.

Over it - Where the Sky Begins

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything from me
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget
Take what you want


Anberlin - Impossible