Dad is getting so much worse. He can't even talk now for the most part, as far as I'm aware. Aunt Angie, Grandma and Julie have been taking good care of him though. He pretty much just lays in bed now. I think he is in pain from just laying all the time. He gets the hiccups, I guess, which I don't understand...but I know it can't feel good when you're already sore. I wish he didn't have to hurt. I wish no one had to hurt.
I really just miss him. It's like it's not my dad in there because he's so unlike himself. I'm so used to him being dorky or listening to music or going for a drive just to get out of the house, or going and buying a new toy, or helping me fix something gone wrong on my computer. The other day I was trying to figure out how to fix my printer because it's hooked up wirelessly to my laptop and it wouldn't register and wouldn't print. I was so frustrated because my dad was right there and he couldn't help, of course, and I was so mad that I couldn't figure it out myself. It was one of the most irritating things ever and just made me realize how much I still need my dad.
He came out of the bedroom a few days ago to visit with Julie, Grandma and I. When he saw me he looked like a lightbulb popped up above his head and he smiled and it was nice. And then I was sitting on the couch and he put his finger up and did a "come here" motion so I went over and gave him a hug. I miss giving my dad hugs.
I'm not ready for him to go and I really don't know how to handle all of this. I feel like I'm floating around outside the situation almost. It doesn't feel like this is happening to me.
I just don't want him to hurt.
Life sucks.
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