FML

It's getting really hard at home to watch my dad. I feel like I try to ignore him, which I don't like at all. I kind of feel like I'm floating around in my own little world lately, especially since Eric and I broke up. I don't really talk to anyone about anything really, just mostly chit-chat stuff. I feel like I don't want to burden everyone with my problems, kind of.
Plus, I feel like I'm always too busy to hang out with people because I'm in summer school from 9am-12pm then I go to work at 1 or 2 til 5 or 6 so and then I have homework so I'm not really free during the weekdays, then when I am free to hang out everyone is busy. So then I'm sitting at home bored out of my mind struggling to hang out with one of my 5 friends. Its' getting irritating :(. I can't wait until summer school is over in 3 weeks so that I can have just work and that's it.
Things with Eric are kind of weird. I really miss him a lot. I wish things were easier. But they aren't....sooo oh well. What can you do? But this "it is what it is" attitude is starting to get to me I think. I have a feeling that when everything hits me, it's going to hit me really hard. I'm not looking forward to it. I need to stop ignoring everything around me and be more observant and more into it. I'm kind of just floating. I don't like it. I miss my friends and my family and I can't really explain what I'm feeling. When I am home, I usually just go into my room and shut my door and hang out until I leave again. No fun. I want to spend time with my dad but he's mostly just sleeping so I can hardly spend time with him. I mostly hang out when my grandparents or aunt are here visiting.

Good news is I'm doing fantastic in accounting class right now. I got an A on both tests so far, and we only have 3 (besides the final) so that's great! I actually am understanding the material this time and I think it's because of a lot of reasons. Like, the class is everyday so I don't really have time to forget anything; this is my only class so I don't have 4 other classes' worth of projects,homework and stress to worry about; I already took this class once and, even though I didn't understand anything the first time around, it's helping me because I already know the basics like vocabulary and the general ideas behind accounting; my teacher is amazing, and his first language is actually English so he doesn't have a weird accent that I have to try and learn from. He teaches in a really understandable way, which I love. I hope I get an A in the class! :)

After July 17 or 14 or something I'll finally have my summer vacation. :)
Next semester is going to be a doozy, though.
I'm in class on MWF from 11:00-3 and then on TTH from 11-3:15...which really is not that long but my classes are:
MGMT 300 - Communication in Business
MGMT 304 - Human Resource Management
MKTG 380 -Marketing Research
MKTG 477 - International Marketing
and then one more class that I'm not sure of because of technical issues with me taking the summer class at the community college instead of Chico State. Probably Finance. Yuck!!

Well. More later.

Bahaha

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

"Break"

Eric and I are taking "a break," whatever that means. Basically I think what happened is neither of us actually has the guts to break it off completely, so we're going to stay in break up limbo land until we figure things out. We decided that we're basically just going to act like friends, a.k.a. don't hang out every day, don't talk all the time....but we're not really going to see other people either. So pretty much I'm single but I'm not at the same time. I don't really have a "boyfriend" but I can't go date other people, if I so desired. This is weird. I never understood breaks, but breaking up is so hard to do!
We both decided that we have a lot on our plates that we need to figure out....it's dumb, because I do want to be with him but I totally want to be by myself too. This is really difficult. Grrrr

And my stupid 8 o'clock class was canceled and I totally forgot...so LAME. So I'm stuck here at school until my next class at 9:30. ohwell.

Long day...

So. My store manager was killed in a car accident last Tuesday. Today was her funeral in the bay. I woke up @ 5:30 and drove down there to be there at 10am. It was so sad. I couldn't believe that she was the one in there. It was the first time I cried over it, though. Really, before that, it hadn't really hit me that she was never coming back. I still almost can't believe it. I feel like I've never really had to deal with death in my life and now it's surrounding me. I have no idea how to handle it. I feel like it's all just building up and I have no where for it to go. I'll talk about it with people but I feel it's just a bunch of oh-I'm-so-sorry's and it doesn't really help for some reason to talk about it. I don't even know what to do and I've been so down lately and I have so much schoolwork piling up and I just flat out don't feel like doing it. I have this huge group project paper due on Tuesday that we haven't even really started yet and should have started months ago....I just don't want to do it. I don't want to waste my time doing stupid research for something that we're most likely just going to BS anyway because it's so close to the due date. Then all these stupid tests.
Anyway. So I drove to the bay today, right? Then it was over at a little bit before 11 and I went to visit my friend in Pleasanton for a little bit and then I just went home. I was in the bay for only 3 hours just to drive home again (though I am thankful that Ben hung out with me, otherwise I would have only been there for an hour). I was soooo tired on the way home. I hardly got any sleep the night before last for some reason, and then Eric and I went to a concert that didn't let out til a little before 11 so I didn't get to bed til way too late for having to wake up at 5. Then just all the emotions from the burial...I am so beat.
Two out of my 3 classes are cancelled tomorrow (THANK GOD) so I get to sleep in for a bit and have some time to work on my marketing project for my group (that i'm meeting with at the same time as my class was going to be at).
I'm just so worn out and I can't wait for this semester to be over so I can actually have some time to rest. Even though I will be taking Accounting over summer...siiigh. Stupid C-. It's a m-th class....which totally sucks. Then NEXT semester is going to be totally lame, as well, because I'm going to be hardly available for work which means the time I am available, they're going to work me, which means that I won't have any free time AGAIN. I would almost just make myself unavaible some days but I just want the money to save and for gas and to spend and stuff. I don't want Celestino's pay checks anymore!


I also really miss how I used to be. When I used to go to shows all the time and take pictures and do I <3 Chico Bands and have too many friends to count. Now I just hang out with my boyfriend, work and do school work. How boring. Other people can fit all this stuff into their lives, why can't I? and it's not fair that some people get to sit around all day and do nothing and still survive and i work my butt off and am miserably busy and I am having a worse time than them! but of course I am...because they get to do whatever they want and i have stupid responsiblities. i just keep having to tell myself that it will pay off in the long run....but it freaking sucks now.

Crazy

Life really throws stuff at you all at once sometimes.
"When it rains, it pours," I suppose.

School wears me out sooo much. By the end of the day, I'm so tired and I don't want to do anything but relax but I always feel like I have so much to do in a short period of time. Today was my day off and I spent the entire thing running around. (Though, I did get to go to lunch with my Mommy :D).
I have two group project due dates coming up for school and group projects are such a pain in the ass! I hate them! They are awful! At this point, I really, really, REALLY, REALLY know how to work in teams and I definitely do not need any more practice! UGHH! Oh, well. Only three semesters left!

I picked out which classes I'd like to take next semester. Whether or not I actually get them is another story, though. I plan on taking Communication in Business, Human Resource Management, International Marketing, Marketing Research and Managing the Legal Environment. Sounds fun, huh? Then I have to take Financial Accounting again over summer at Butte, which is about a zillion dollars cheaper than at Chico State. At Chico State, it is $230 per unit, which comes out to be about $700 per class which is just outrageous!! At Butte I think it will end up being about 200 TOPS for the class. That's probably including my book, as well. So crazy.

I'm so tired. I can't wait to be done with school when all I have to do is work. I would much rather do just school or just work, but just work is stupid right now and just school is also stupid, actually. I <3 Money! :)

I had 3 tests on the same day a couple of weeks ago, and then another test the following week and I did great on all of them! I'm so proud of myself, I swore I was going to fail. I got a 90% on my marketing test, an 83% on my MINS test, a 96% on my Stats test and an 82% on my Accounting test! I did so awesome :) :)

Yup. :)

woerjsldf

There is sooo much to do!
I have to study for three tests on Tuesday, I have to go to work, of course, I have to try and work out to get skinny for summer somewhere in my "spare time" that i have, I have to go check out study abroad stuff before it's too late, i have to hang out with Eric and then all my friends, I have to try to find enough money to last me 2 more weeks...gahhh!!!!!!

Disneyland!

well apparently it won't let me do more than this many per post....so i'll just have to do more than one post :)
















AHHH forget it --- look on facebook. haha