So. My store manager was killed in a car accident last Tuesday. Today was her funeral in the bay. I woke up @ 5:30 and drove down there to be there at 10am. It was so sad. I couldn't believe that she was the one in there. It was the first time I cried over it, though. Really, before that, it hadn't really hit me that she was never coming back. I still almost can't believe it. I feel like I've never really had to deal with death in my life and now it's surrounding me. I have no idea how to handle it. I feel like it's all just building up and I have no where for it to go. I'll talk about it with people but I feel it's just a bunch of oh-I'm-so-sorry's and it doesn't really help for some reason to talk about it. I don't even know what to do and I've been so down lately and I have so much schoolwork piling up and I just flat out don't feel like doing it. I have this huge group project paper due on Tuesday that we haven't even really started yet and should have started months ago....I just don't want to do it. I don't want to waste my time doing stupid research for something that we're most likely just going to BS anyway because it's so close to the due date. Then all these stupid tests.
Anyway. So I drove to the bay today, right? Then it was over at a little bit before 11 and I went to visit my friend in Pleasanton for a little bit and then I just went home. I was in the bay for only 3 hours just to drive home again (though I am thankful that Ben hung out with me, otherwise I would have only been there for an hour). I was soooo tired on the way home. I hardly got any sleep the night before last for some reason, and then Eric and I went to a concert that didn't let out til a little before 11 so I didn't get to bed til way too late for having to wake up at 5. Then just all the emotions from the burial...I am so beat.
Two out of my 3 classes are cancelled tomorrow (THANK GOD) so I get to sleep in for a bit and have some time to work on my marketing project for my group (that i'm meeting with at the same time as my class was going to be at).
I'm just so worn out and I can't wait for this semester to be over so I can actually have some time to rest. Even though I will be taking Accounting over summer...siiigh. Stupid C-. It's a m-th class....which totally sucks. Then NEXT semester is going to be totally lame, as well, because I'm going to be hardly available for work which means the time I am available, they're going to work me, which means that I won't have any free time AGAIN. I would almost just make myself unavaible some days but I just want the money to save and for gas and to spend and stuff. I don't want Celestino's pay checks anymore!
I also really miss how I used to be. When I used to go to shows all the time and take pictures and do I <3 Chico Bands and have too many friends to count. Now I just hang out with my boyfriend, work and do school work. How boring. Other people can fit all this stuff into their lives, why can't I? and it's not fair that some people get to sit around all day and do nothing and still survive and i work my butt off and am miserably busy and I am having a worse time than them! but of course I am...because they get to do whatever they want and i have stupid responsiblities. i just keep having to tell myself that it will pay off in the long run....but it freaking sucks now.
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