Break Down

So I totally had a minor (slightly major) breakdown a few nights ago. I think that was my "rock bottom" because I feel so much better since then. I'm much more accepting of everything and small issues (that aren't even issues) aren't becoming huge deals anymore. I don't cry everyday at school anymore. I figured out if I take 3 winter classes and 3 summer classes I could finish this coming summer. I don't know about 3 winter classes, though. I have an advising appointment tomorrow in the morning so I'm going to see how ridiculous that seems to them and go from there. I would much rather suffer for a short period and finish early. I'd be 21 when I graduate!

I've been running every day in between classes and it is wearing me out. It makes me feel SO much better mentally because it gives me time to think and figure out stuff in my head but it makes me so tired and my muscles are killing me! Hopefully that goes away the more I do it. I've been running in the park so I guess I'll just have to go to the WREC center instead when it starts raining. I'm hoping to lose 10 lbs (at least) by Halloween! We'll see :D

Relationship is good...I think me not being a crazy bitch is helping us out a lot. :-P He's also trying really hard to and I see it, so that helps. I'm not upset about him having a 2nd job anymore. It's only 2 nights a week anyhow. Still don't like crazy drunk sluts at his 2nd job though... oh well. He's mine, not theirs. :)

Work has been the only thing that has been consistently good for the past few months. It's nice.

New Anberlin album came out yesterday and I absolutely adore it! To me, the theme of it kind of says, "here i am, take me or leave me." I like it.
New Trapt album on Oct. 12!! They've been releasing a couple songs here and there and I love them all! I cannot WAIT! I especially can't wait til they start touring. :D :D:D:D:D I'm going to drag Mac along with me...he said he's never been to a real concert before! I shall change that. :)

"hold the cap or it will get all over the ceiling!"

So Mac thought that he was supposed to work tonight from 6-12 so I didn't think I was really going to get to see him until later in the week but then he called me on my way home from my Grandma's and apparently he was just going today for another interview. So we hung out and we went to 5 & I for some food after we took him shoe shopping (:D). I ordered french fries so when we sat down I grabbed the bottle of ketchup and shook it and the cap flew off and splattered all over my hand and the table! I immediately remembered my dad always yelling at me to make sure and hold the cap to the ketchup or it would get everywhere. I told Mac that my dad was saying hello. :)

Today was really sucky in the beginning. I totally had a break down in the library while attempting to do my homework. I was texting Ben with all my problems and he made me feel a little better because he understands EVERYTHING. I eventually made it through my second class and went to my grandma's and my sister ended up being there too. We all had dinner and I got to vent everything out on my grandma. She always has a way to make things a positive so that really helped me, on top of being able to vent some more. Then I get a call from Mac and that just made my whole day because I just really needed a hug and Mac is such a good hugger. Plus he's just so happy all the time and I really just needed something like that today. Everyone, especially Mac, helped turn my day from an "i hate the world" day to an "i love everything" day. I wish I had a better way to say thank you to everyone other than just "thank you."

Hopefully tomorrow is better.
20 days 'til I'm 21. 501 days until I graduate. 197 days until winter break. I guess I could look at this as something to look forward too.



Hi back, Dad. Love you and miss you!

i hate school with a fiery passion.

i really do. i HATE it. i literally could not care less about my grades right now and i could not care less about the stupid paper that's due in 2 hours that i'm sooo not doing because it's retarded. i dont care that i totally bombed my quiz today. i dont care that i'm already like an accumulated 10 chapters behind in reading for my 4 classes. i could care less about learning about ethics, marketing models, wal mart and google. i REALLY DO NOT CARE.
i dont. godddddddddddddddddddd. i can't do it anymore. the only reason i'm going to bear through these next couple semesters is because i'm getting hella financial aid money.
seriously school is such a waste of my time. it takes up my whole day doing NOTHING. nothingthingnothingasalsja;klsdjfajfal;ksjla;ksj!!!!!!!! i have literally learned the same shit in all my business classes. why can't we just consolidate all this shit into one class?!?!?!
and i canNOT handle 4 group projects/presentations this semester. do they really think that at this point i, as a college student, have not learned how to work in a DAMN GROUP!?

i'm so frustrated. i literally am on the verge of tears before class almost every morning because i just can't stand the thought of going and wasting my time listening to some old fart tell me about his business experiences as an HR manager or a marketing manager or this or a that. i. do. not. care.


and on top of all that i do not want to turn 21. i don't want to go pay hella money to go get wasted with people i am not necesarily "friends" with because not really any of my friends who can go out on my birthday (a freaking tuesday) are 21. i have a test the day after my birthday. mac just got a job at the bear and he works tuesdays so he can't even go out with me on my birthday. in fact, i dont even get to see him on my birthday since this is now his second job. i should be happy for him. and i am. but at the same time the selfish part of me is so upset because i just wanna spend time with him and i already hardly get to see him, especially because of school and then going to work right after school. he's only supposed to be working 3 days a week and he said he's still going to have sundays off and i'm supposed to be getting sundays off "as much as possible" this semester....but then i dont want to take up every single one of his sundays and i can't only see him once a week?!!?!?!!! goddd. this si so lame. sschool is seriously ruining my life i hate it and i just want to quit.


i could throw something right now.

al;sdkjasjdlKJL;AKJSDFAS o;KJLASKJDF

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH. I wish I could just flush education down the toilet.
so pathetic...I can't believe i have to deal with this crap for 2 more years and then I get a stupid piece of paper that shows for my suffering...asglasjdfkafasldf then I get to go find a stupid job but at least at that point i can just have a stupid normal job and not have to worry about going to school from 11-3 then work 4-8 every dayyyy omggggg.

i think i will ask for sundays off just so i can have a day to freaking breathe.

School in 1 week - yuck!

NOT ready for school, blah! Not mentally prepared at all. I'm going to shoot for A's this semester....and get B's. As usual.

Life is soooo good!

I have the best friends ever, ever, ever!
Lauren just got back from ROTC training stuff in Kentucky I think last week or a couple weeks ago and she is staying at home in Napa and she drove up to see me today. :) Also Liz and her boyfriend are in town this week from Texas & Air Force and they visited today. PLUS we were all hanging out and then Mark came to hang out! Then I get to go on a walk with TIffany and Kimm later at One Mile. I seriously just love all my friends and I wish I hadn't closed all of them out so much when I was with Eric.

Plus Mac is just superrr awesome. :) I have so much fun with him and he just makes me feel so energetic and excited and I'm having fun all the time with him. I feel like he's really good for me right now!

I got 20 hours this next week at work again (up for 16 hrs the past few weeks) which is amaaazzing finally. This pay check sucked because I took that week off for dad and then I only got 3 shifts on the following week so I think my check was less than $130 so I am a little broke for the next couple weeks, but I could really care less right now! :D
ANDDD! I found all but two of my textbooks online on Amazon and it's going to save me around $400. I got 2 in the mail today and one had a 20 dollar bill in with a note that said, "Dear Rhiannon, I have enclosed 20.00 cash for the fact that the text was paper back. If you would like to return this copy of the text please e-mail me at blahablahlaahaha@blah.com (edited :D) or if you have any questions." SO nice! So I totally just made 20 bucks back, which is probably more than I would have made if I sell the damn thing back to the book store.

I did sell my accounting book from summer back last week and the college said that they weren't taking this edition back but the used book company would so they gave me 15 for it.... I paid 106 for it. umm...LAME. Better than nothing, though, I suppose.

School starts in 3 weeks and that's about the suckiest thing in my life right now!

Everything's so great! Except I still am reallyyy missing dad. I think it's because I want him to be here for all the happy stuff now. But....it is what it is and I know he loved me and he knew I loved him and that's all that matters. :) :)

Today...

I miss my daddy.

otherwise life is sooooo fantastic right now! i'm finally having fun...like, multiple days in a row. this hasn't happened in so long. :)